Greg Kash

For some stupid reason which I can't quite put my finger on every now and again I get quite nostalgic and I feel compelled to write something in here. I'm fairly certain it's a useless venture, especially since a lot of "friends" journals on here haven't been updated since 2006, but whatever, a journal is a journal. I wonder when LJ is finally just going to call it quits and head out of business. All these things people have shared with the world gone forever, that will be a sad, if not inevitable day. I hope it doesn't. It makes me feel better about my personal inevitable death that something about me will stay on this planet forever. Whether it's my writings, youtube videos, or whatever. It comforts me.

I sometimes wonder if the human race were to go extinct, and an alien race were to find the internet, what they'd think of us. I'm not sure if they'd grasp the concept of popular trends, or if they'd really think what mattered most was Justin Bieber, but either way I'm okay with it. History is a passion of mine, but part of that is realizing that you never quite know it all. You'll never pin EXACTLY how it was. That's what keeps history viable. You can do some research and publish a new theory on the same topic as thousands of other people.

I guess I can update about myself. That's what this is for, yes. So here I am on the precipice of yet another drastic life change. I like to think of my life as a book, and I am ending chapter 2 and heading to chapter 3. Chapter 1 obviously was birth and growing up in Buffalo, NY and Chapter 2 is my time in Florida. Chapter 3 will be entitled: City Of Angels, God I hope this works out.

So on January 11th, 2012, I will be moving to Los Angeles to give this comedy thing it's proper shot. When I wrote over a year ago I mentioned that comedy is all I do, well it's still all I do, and it's what I am. I've spent a long time building up to this point. I could've gone earlier but I wanted to make sure that when I went out there I was going out there to compete, not be run over and not have to start from the bottom. I feel like I'm at that point.

I feel like I'm at a point where Florida is holding me back. I feel like if I stayed here and continued this path that the best my life could be is a road dog comedian, touring clubs around the country for 25-30 years. Driving my life away one mile on the interstate at a time. There's nothing wrong with that. The Best comedians I know are the road dogs, they've seen it all, they've been in every situation, they know how to handle it. They also rarely, with a few exceptions, ever have new material. Most end up bitter, and broken. I just want more. So I'm going to a place where more is possible.

I'm excited and I'm scared. Los Angeles is a daunting city. Not to mention expensive. It's seemingly so random who out there makes it and who out there doesn't. It's better to be lucky than good is a saying I expect to live out in the next few years. Still, I'm not married to the city, I can leave if I really want to, but I'm not a quitter, so I doubt I will. I'll die trying to do what I love, I still can't fathom the 9-5. I'd rather be poor and doing comedy than rich and wearing a tie.

I do want to say quickly what I will tell facebook, where people actually read my shit, when I do leave. I thought moving to Florida was the worst possible thing that could happen to me. I remember the day my parents told my sister and I, they took us out to eat, and I just sat at the table and cried. I was 15! Yeah, Cried like a mother. I came here with such a negative attitude, lasted pretty much as long as high school did. I hated high school in Florida, save for a few friends, but in retrospect I never gave it much of a chance. As time has come and gone I think it's important to realize that moving to Florida was something that I had to do if I was ever going to develop as a person.

I'm a late bloomer mentally. Hair on the balls came right when expected but as far as mental maturity it was a total and long process. A big part of that is being so sheltered as a kid. When your mom's a Jehovah's Witness and you're kept from living any kind of social life it gets awkward when you're experiencing things for the first time in college most people got over in middle school. I was lucky though. Although some friends are no longer with us, rest in peace, or have moved on with their lives, at the time and place when we were friends it was absolutely vital to my survival. I thank every one of them.

Every awkward moment with a girl, and unbearable situation. Every embarrassing thing that's happened. It all adds up to experience. It's prepared me for a life on stage. I do people's number one fear for a living, well, I'm trying to become a person who is famous for doing the number one fear of people. Public speaking. Sorta.

Public speaking wishes it could hold a candle to stand up. Stand up is standing on stage, saying something so revealing about yourself and hoping against hope itself that the people in the audience are too consumed by laughter to realize how embarrassed you are right now. It's holding your life in front of everyone else and basically saying, "Hey, I'm more pathetic than you, so it's alright if you laugh." You mask the uncertainty of how a joke will land with a facial expression you've practiced many times because it's unbelievable how a simple look can be the difference between dead silence and thunderous applause.

There's a thrill that runs through your veins when you're recounting a story about how you were rejected by a girl in modern popular music that you didn't even ask out and instead of shriveling up in anger or severe depression like you did at the time, the crowd is laughing and by laughing they are giving their silent nod of appreciation as an "I can relate, it's happened to me too" because that's what laughter is. It's a thought or notion that maybe I'm not alone as I originally thought. Oh and in that moment when the crowd is laughing, or clapping (I always prefer applause breaks to be honest), you're not only connected with an audience you're elevated above it, you're the master of a room. For lack of a better analogy they are your slaves and you are their master. You're the puppeteer and you lead them wherever you want to go. It's an amazing feeling. Drunk off power might be one way to describe it but I can't disassociate firing off nuclear weapons or images of Kim Jong Il from saying Drunk off power so I don't think it'll quite work there.

I want to say this went on a marvelous tangent but I'm not quite sure it did. I feel like it flowed pretty nicely, but if you disagree please leave a comment stating your objection and I'll get to it sometime in 2013 when I check this again.

I'm not sure how many entries I have on this account but I'd have to say probably 95% of them were complaining about girls so I supposed I should update that part of my life simply for posterity's sake. It's not like there's a whole lot to update on anyway.

I've still only had sex with the one girl, which is probably astounding since I am 27, but at the same time it's at a point where I couldn't truly care less. It's not that I don't like girls, love em, huge fan of boobies, and vagina, and blowjobs, etc, I just don't feel the need to go pursue it. It's weird. I fully admit it's weird. I want to say I'm so focused on stand up that I don't have time to worry about girls but with as much time as I spend playing video games I think we all know that's a lie.

I don't know, I never really told anyone this but I've always felt more pressured by everyone else in my life to get girls than I have felt pressured by me. My parents, friends, etc.. Again, I want to stress at this point, I Like girls. I would have sex with a girl right now, if she were here. I've just always been content to watch funny videos, write my sketches and screen plays, record music or play video games. I never feel the urge to be like, "I NEED A GIRL, RIGHT NOW". We're all adults here, I get horny like I assume everyone else does (at least I hope they do or this just got real awkward) but it just never occurs to me to go out and get a girl drunk and slam her. Yeah I said slam her, cuz I'm 12 years old.

I don't like competing with people for women, it never really seems worth it, I don't like the chase. I don't find that fun. I'm far too analytical. Hey, do you like me, I like you, so just answer if you like me and let's do this. None of this bat your eyes and twirl your hair garbage, I can't pick up a hint, I'm emotionally unable to connect those two dots.

Sometimes I am afraid that I'm going to end up forever single. I don't think it's what I want but at the same I can't argue that I pretty much love just doing stand up, playing video games, and having nothing to answer to. It's a pretty sweet life. I can't speak for how I'll feel later though. I think a lot has to do with the girl. It takes a special girl to be able to just mentally keep up with my scatter brained half wit to begin with. Much less the constant barrage of jokes and general lack of anything that could be considered tact. I'm not rude, I just don't know when not to actually say what I'm thinking when I'm asked what I'm thinking.

Truth be told, I honestly feel like I've only met one girl in my life who actually got me. ONE. Is that normal? For the record, we don't talk anymore, I regret that, but it was her choice. I for once actually didn't do anything to cause it. So, what can ya do about that?

It's tough. People I know are getting married or even worse, having babies. Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by, but then common sense kicks in. See, there's upsides to being super logical. I'm not meant to live their life. I have a different path and as long as all our paths end up on the road to happiness I'm pretty satisfied. I have a feeling the first girl I seriously date will end up being the girl I marry. That's just how I am. Even back when CDs were relevant, the first three songs were always my favorite songs. No matter what.

So with that knowledge, I'm pretty sure I subconsciously hold out for the girl I know that could make that a reality. It'll happen, I'll see a girl, and we'll talk and she'll say something and for some reason it's just the wrong thing to say in my eyes, and I won't be able to get over it and all of a sudden she's no longer attractive to me. It's so weird. I honestly think it's just a filter, I can't put my finger on it but my mind has requirements for a woman and if she doesn't meat them it shuts her down and throws her into dudeville.

So that's where that's at lol. I guess this is long enough. Until next time.

the only update on liverjournal in the last two weeks has been some spammer spamming a tally group about russian women chat. Nice. Livejournal has officially died after being on life support for so long.

I think Live Journal's fatal flaw is that it hasn't adapted any to the times. A site like facebook has incorporated blogging into their site, so why would anyone just do something that's so simple as this now a days? Live Journal had it's time, that time is over, but it still played an integral part in the development of social media. I'm not sure if Live Journal did anything new, but it did do blogging and commenting, with groups and shit the best at it's point in time. I hope it gets archived in the web.

Although, it's almost embarrassing to go back and read my emo ass self, like anyone cared about any of it back in the day. I don't even care about it. I guess that's growing up though. I'm sure when I'm 36, I'll look back on being 26 and comment how stupid I was now too. That's just the way it works I suppose.

There is like three years of my documented life here though. Although if someone were to read it they'd probably only know i was in a band, an improv group and I sucked at getting girls. Time changes some things, not all.

I'd like to catch up live journal on where my life is now. On the chance that in the future, maybe it'll be valuable information. But to find out where you are, you gotta know where you been.

2007 is the last year I did any sort of real blogging. It's actually pretty funny, It's like 2008 rolled around and that was it. I did come across this post though.

I've been compiling material and I think I'm going to go ahead and try Stand Up again. Given that the first attempt was by far the worst experience of my life, this should be fun. - December 18th, 2007

Clearly I had no idea what I was about to start. I can't remember what the fuck I was thinking even doing stand up again. The first time referred to was actually my first year at Florida State University, in 2002. It was this anonymous comics showcase and I was way in over my head. I wrote all the jokes (if they can even be called that) on a road trip to orlando and the way back, didn't prepare at all. Went on stage, it was terrible. Literally the worst performance of my life in anything.

Five years later, the improv troupe i was in, Oncoming Traffic, had dissipated, and I was friends with a few guys who had done stand up and I guess they convinced me to do it. First time I got on stage again it actually went pretty well. Got third place in the comedy zone open mic competition. It's been steadily uphill from there. Got pretty good at emceeing, and just recently have felt I'm at the point of being able to feature. So I'm starting to do that.

Through stand up I've met people like Ralphie May, Rob Schneider, David Allen Grier, Pauly Shore, Billy Gardell, all these people who have made a career from Comedy, a chance that I wouldn't of had otherwise. Not to mention all the great comics that aren't famous I've met along the way.

It's pretty clear by my aforementioned quote that I had no intention of stand up being successful and I guess that's the funny part about life because comedy is all consuming to me now. It's all I think about, it's all I do. I don't have a real life job. I'm a comic. It's what I do. People pay me to tell jokes on stage. My only friends are other comics, I've forfeited everything for this life and it's true that some days I wake up and go Greg you are such an idiot for doing this. Mainly because the path to be able to make a living on being a comic is a long, arduous and by no means guaranteed. For the most part though, you gotta love a lifestyle of traveling around, telling jokes to people. I mean, who thought that could be a way to make a living?

I'm not cut out for the 9-5, I did that for a year, it wasn't fun. It was cool having nights and weekends off, yeah, that was baller, but monday through friday, every day was a mental battle against self. I never settled into it, and I doubt I will ever be able to settle into anything like that.

I just spent twenty minutes or so reading through a couple years worth of entries. God damn. I was stupid lol.

Anyway, that's where I'm at now. A comedian, in 2010.

serrakan haraberut’yun ink’nert dzez

i had sex with angelina jolie

Is anyone even here anymore?

So my friend was fucking with me by putting shit on Craigslist, with my phone number.

First he said I was giving all my stuff away, which lead to about 100 or so calls in less than 3 hours.

Then he put an ad in the Men Seeking Women portion of Craigslist saying I needed head.

What follows is a text message conversation with someone who responded. Since I don't know their name, I shall call them, whore x

whore x: U still looking for head...

me : i have one question and one statement, which would you like first?

whore x: question

me: Why are only dudes responding to something posted in the straight part?

whore x: Guess that goes with the cl territory

me: And the statement would be that I didn't post it, someone has been fucking with me and posting my phone number all over cl.

whore x: oh..ok
whore x: so i guess the bj is out? haha...

me: Yeah. I'm straight, sorry.

whore x: oh, ok.... damn

whore x: u into MFM? Coz im married and it could lead to one

me: Going with a no on that one

whore x: oh, really?

me: Wouldn't lie to you

whore x: Oh ok... well Id give ya head if you wanted

me: Yeah I think I figured that one out.

whore x: lol...true

me: Well good luck. I'm sure your wife won't be disappointed at all.

Obviously, I never write here anymore. It's been a long long time since, and if I wasn't so incredibly bored at the moment that time would be continuing. The reason for such is because since we had to be out of our old house on the 31st and we can't be into the new house until the 7th, it leaves about 7 days of holy shit, I have nowhere to stay/nothing to do. Thankfully, Sam and Sergio are letting me stay at their place. All my shit is in my car and trust me, living out of a car pretty much sucks. First, I'm constantly worried my car is gonna get fucknutted. Second, It's driving poorly because of all the shit packed into it weighing it down. Compounding this is that I don't even have so much as a dollar to my name right now. Not until thursday in which again, like last paycheck, I'll basically be cashing my paycheck and then giving it to the property company for first months rent. How exciting!

So basically, life sucks on the living scale. There's not much good going on in the world of Greg on the cosmic get your life together subject.

In other news though, the Stand Up Comedy which I'm sure none of you actually know about because I haven't mentioned anything here in months is going quite well. I've placed at all but one Open Mic Competition and have landed a MC job at the Comedy Zone in Tallahassee. So the 7,8 and 9 you can see me hosting the headliner Scotty K's shows. Buy whatever drink I have to sell, I get more money if you do.

Let's see, almost moved to Buffalo on 48 hours notice, but did not because damn, that's a big decision to make in 48 hours.

That's all I go. I got unlimited text so light up my phone because I have nothing to do.

727-643-2683

So like I was saying.

I feel like this weekend was really surreal and I've woken up back in the real world and I hate it here.

Jon Hoy, my best friend in Buffalo came to visit from his Marine Corps stationing in Pensacola. Another girl who we went to high school with, and she's really cool, but if you can keep a secret I don't really remember her much from Williamsville North, goes to school here now too so we all got together and had a really nice day.

Jon got in and we immediately went out. He wanted to see the sights of Tally so I took him to the parkway, told him to turn make a U turn and let him see the biggest penis in America. That was the only sight I could think of.

We bummed around the mall and waited for Amanda to catch up, then met up at Longhorn, I was fairly wet at this point as it was raining pretty hard but it was fun. We sat and ate and discussed old people and what happened to all these kids we used to hang out with and things like that. It was fun, if not completely nostalgic.

Then we went to see the movie 21, which was pretty boring. Let's face it, a movie about people at MIT can't be that interesting. It had a nice plot twist at the end though so at least they didn't completely suck it up.

That night we met up with Amanda again at Finnegan's Wake where she was celebrating a girls birthday party. It was a lot of fun. Everyone was cool we had a good time, lots of pictures etc..

All in all, it was weird. I mean, I didn't hang with kids from North much while I went to North. Just Jon really. I don't know. Jon left sunday and who knows when I'll see Amanda again so for now its just back to the real world.

Shitty job
shitty living situation
shitty car
shitty monetary situation

It's like I was in a plane crash, flying high and then bam, stuck on an island. With no Mary-Anne for eye candy either.

Later.

This weekend was about good friends, and letting things go. Current problems, stagnation, money, just not caring about any of it and for one day just catching up with people from the past without worrying about the future.

Sometimes, for me at least, we get so caught up in the future, because of our worries, living paycheck to paycheck, not being able to afford this, eating Ramen for weeks at a time just to pay the light bill.